Man, where to start.

I guess here.

Everything is just so different now. Remember High School and the reliability of seeing your friends everyday you were there. Now, I don't know. It feels like everyone is moving on and I'm still staying here. I guess I feel this way because I go to the boards and stuff a lot, but I haven't seen anyone who frequents the boards for the entire summer, and others for longer than that. I guess the change was bound to happen, but it seems like I just now realized it as I stand on my island and watch all of my friends slowly sail away. I don't think I'm lonely, just a little amazed at how life changes and things like that. People and relationships you didn't think that you were taking for granted and then *poof* they're all gone and you're left watching them leave searching for answers. I feel like the enormnity of life just fell in my lap. Nothing stays the same, I guess I just now realized this. It feels so strange knowing, and even seeing, all of your friends change and move away from you and being completely powerless to stop it.

It all started when I chose to move back into the dorms. I feel out of contact with Josh for a while; so much so that when I got a chance to talk to him after he got back from Colombia, it felt like I was talking to someone I had never met before. I never talk to or see Logan anymore. Same with Paul, Ethan, Seer, Skot and Add'em. I'm at a real loss for words, but I want to keep trying because I keep all of my posts for a record that I can look back on.

I think, in order to capture this feeling, I miss the stability and simplicity of high school friendships. Everyday you'd go to school and see your friends there.

but now...

everything is so different.
I guess change is good, but that doesn't change the fact that it's uncomfortable, or fearful even.

I feel like I'm becoming my own island of a man. I feel so isolated and seperate from everyhting that used to be familiar to me. I have become a predictable, rythmic sploch of meaninglessness that makes up the painting of this world. Go to work, go to bed, gotowork gotobed gotoworkgotobedgotoworkgotobedgotwrkgtbdgtrkgtbd and on into predictable, measureable boring me.

I know something is about to happen. My life has never been this static before.

And as I watch the individual adults come out of my boyhood friends, and stand open-mouthed while I realize that it has been happening for a while now, I know that it is not my part to try and bring us all back together. Time and age have seperated us all into defferent people it would seem... I just wonder where I will end up is all.