I'm trying to figure out what I can say to make people think and love and hope and dream and live and desire and enscope the reality of a Creator. I think if anyone learns anything form my 'blog, it's that shit happens but you go on. I'm at a loss for words.

I wish I could communicate to people everything that I have learned about life in these last few years. I keep rolling it over in my head and I feel like to most honest accumulation of what I have learned is that life will always be waiting for you when you wake up in the morning. Sometimes, in fact most of the time, it's hard. I have faced insurmountable odds and can count the times like counting molecules that I have wanted to give up, but I haven't. It's not like I've overcome, but I have certainly learned to let life be life. I can't control it, and it will never make sense to me. There are billions of people on this planet and each one of them is trying to live by whatever standards govern their lives, so where do I fit in? I don't know. But right now,

I'm not ready for this song to end. I need to feel the soul in it, and I need to let those notes lift me up and close my eyes and know that there is more out there than myself. Billions and Billions of people are on this planet and so many pass the day away thinking about nothing. Or do they? Are their thoughts just as beautiful and important to their Creator as mine are to Him when I thank Him for the hard times and the good? Billions of people on this planet and I'm so wrapped up in my life and what I'm supposed to do. I think maybe I'm supposed to simplify things and leave life alone. Maybe I'm just supposed to love humanity and embrace the capability for such beauty and such devastation. The man who could strap a bomb to his chest and blow up a bus terminal is the same man who goes home and makes love to his wife for the last time and kisses his children good night. Where does he fit in, and does God shed the same types of tears over his senseless sacrifice that He might shed when I curse someone I should love, or walk past a hungry mouth on my way to fulfill my 'purpose' in life? Maybe all my purpose is is to spread enough love so that there is no need to strap bombs to anyone's chest. Sometimes I think about what I would do if I saw that man. I think I might just cry and hold onto him and whisper into his ear that God sees past his anger even if he can't. I don't know. But I'm still not ready for this song to end. I need to feel it. I need to feel beyond myself right now. I need to feel like there's more than myself and maybe that 'more' can be moved to action and desire love for humanity.

I can't stay here and build my kingdom because who cares? Billions and billions of people on this planet and I would simply become one more numbered house on a block in neighborhood in a community in a city in a county in a state in a country in a landmass that will all eventually turn to dust. I choose to be more than that. Last semester I shared the Gospel with someone and helped him understand the importance of reconciling with our wounded and offended Creator. That's something. That's something beyond me and my daily grind. That's important.

A couple years ago at IV, Paul was interviewed for a video and someone asked him, "What do you want to accomplish in your life?" and Paul said something that I have never forgotten and will never forget. He said, "I just want to do something that lives past my own life." That statement has stirred deep emotional waters of conviction within me. Did Jesus weep over Paul like He wept over me when He was on the cross? I think so. Did He whisper our names together when He foresaw our friendship? Maybe. Was He thinking what Paul said when He was up there? Probably.

Billions and billions of people live on this planet and God thinks and loves and hopes and dreams and desires each of them to enscope the reality of their Creator. Did Jesus live for the man who would strap a bomb on his chest just like he lived for me? Yes. Life will always be waiting for you when you wake up in the morning, but I think that God has taught me more than just that. I think He's taught me that He will always be there when you wake up in the morning. And maybe what separates someone who has reconciled with their Creator from someone who hasn't is that you don't have to wake up with just life waiting for you. You can wake up with God there instead of just the day; you can have God who created the day. So I suppose it boils down to whether or not you want to wake up with what was simply created for our enjoyment, or wake up with Whom we were created for; you can wake up with the Creator instead of the created. I think that's what I've learned through these last few years, and I think that is what God would have me pass on to the world.

I'm not ready or willing to stop this song, but I am ready to go on with my life and step out my front door every morning knowing that I have awakened with the Creator instead of just the created. I'm ready to let this song put some soul in me that I forgot I had, and I'm ready to let those notes open my eyes and put me back down knowing that there is more out there than myself.