Reflections on reflecting

We write reflections a lot in the College of Education. They allow us an opportunity to reflect on the assignment just completed and figure out what it meant to us. This puts the experience into our own words generating a fixated memory in our consciousness. If I were a teacher, this would be "learning" because now my student has a fixated memory he can call upon of something that I taught him.

In the adult world we call these reflections blogging, journaling, or keeping a diary. In the professional world we call these reflections portfolios.

In my world I call reflections invaluable to constructing my consciousness. If you're a post-structuralist you'll have a field day with that last sentence. Go nuts.

In any case, here I am reflecting on my life up to this point. That can be an onerous task and I don't know if I'm to it, honestly. I suppose I could list the things in my life that have brought me to where I am, but I don't think I want to take that kind of time. It should be known that I am spending valuable time writing in this when I could be studying (which is its own reward... kinda), but I find that writing about what is going on in my life allows me to put it in my own terms, to frame my reality, so to speak. If I understand my world better then I can usually react more confidently to it.

I am... growing up. I feel different about the world and I certainly respond to everything differently. I don't think this inherently means that I am growing up, but I find myself more capable of mimicking the responses of the adults' live I choose to emulate. This I call growing up.
I am becoming more scholastically aware, and I really want to make grad-school a primary objective. I think I have what it takes. In my linguistic classes, I am able to keep up no problem with whatever the professor is speaking of, and I don't see my brain reaching that critical mass point in Linguistics for a while now. I don't know where this will take me, but I love Linguistics.

Here is an update for those of you who care about these types of things.
I am alive. I am breathing everyday. I'm clean; I've been porno free for, well since last time I updated, and this makes me feel good. I wanted to masturbate last night, but I decided it would be better to go to bed unfulfilled rather than have that on my conscience in the morning. I had a dream last night that I married a girl that didn't love me and wouldn't have sex with me. When we finally had an opportunity to work it out (we were really busy with family things or something) she went off and did things with her friends. I was incredibly frustrated because I thought I had made a huge mistake in marrying her. I wanted to divorce her, but I knew that wouldn't be a good thing. I woke up before I was able to find out if we had reconciled or not.
I watched Koyaanisqatsi the other day and really like it. I'm going to watch Powaqqatsi sometime this weekend, maybe.

Here are some lyrics from an In Flames song that I've been enjoying lately.


Have we lost the spark or a guide?
What's the latest on the screen?
Can't be too late to turn around
I need all the help from you

I need to find
Something to blame for a long lost time
I am running from something that I don't know
I am searching for something, which way to go?
I am trying to separate what's real
I'm running in a wheel

Is it dark or is it bright?
What's the latest on the screen?
Please tell me my name
I haven't checked it today

From green to red our days pass by
Waiting for a sign to tell us why
Are we dancing all alone?

Collect some stars to shine for you
And start today 'cause there's only a few
A sign of times my friend

My friend avoid infinity
Are you for real?

Just scratch the surface
And you will find
Something to blame for a long lost time