Written in response to the comments posted in the previous entry:

Please bear with me.

If by morality we mean "good judgment," then yes, it should be tied to sex. If by morality we mean "ethical decisions," then yes, I believe that it should be tied to sex. If by morality we mean "do's and do-not's as they apply specifically to sexual etiquette," then you should decide that with you partner. If by morality we mean "Christian dogma," no, it shouldn't be tied to sex. If by morality we mean "what Jesus taught," then yes, it should be tied to sex.

It appears to me that in the adult world, everthing is tied to morality (you choose your definition there). Pulling the morality out of something is irresponsible since it's there in the first place to ensure safe conduct for all who decide to journey with said thing. Be it sex, the Constitution, college, our Judicial system, the workforce, or the professional positions that we will all hopefully occupy, morality is apart of the ubiquitous fabric weaving these things together. As of late, this idea has become convoluted because there appears to be so many "moralities" floating out in the ether.

Morality should be one of the major components tied to sex. Sex is simply too dangerous to be taken lightly. A LOT of the girls in Intervarsity have emotional damage because of a sexual past. I was really close to a girl and helped emotionally support her through an abortion; it was terrifying! Anything that could cause that much hurt should be taken seriously. Of course there are physiological dangers to sex: e.g., STD's, and unwanted pregnancies. Let's not forget rape; I don't for a moment think that Addem was advocating this as an outcome to sex without morality, but I can see rape as a possible outcome in a world where morality has been seperated from sex.


Thank you both for your words of support. I may have a lengthy post disagreeing with you, Addem, but thanks for saying I'm a well adjusted person. That meant a lot.
Same to you Zack, thank you for praying.

Voices

Sometimes I have voices screaming in my ear telling me to do what I don't want or need to do. One of them might be telling me to silence this and deal with it by myself. I've been struggling with internet porn lately. It's quite demoralizing. I've talked to the right people. The correct steps have been taken. It's just a matter of time.

It's the waiting, you know? You sit on a rickety chair in an empty room with paint chipping off the walls and squeeze your hands against your ears to keep them out. You sweat and hyper-ventilate. Your body shakes with strain tyring to purge the memories of nights spent by youself in your head where you are the king and you can make anything happen. You strain against the memories of body parts that you had no business touching, things you have taken, and things you have given. You remember the times you think you might be gay, or the times you think you will be a virgin for the rest of your life. And why? For what? What's left in this room except your own vomit?
"Remember when you were pure?"
Yes. No. You remember it even if you hide it. You were in that room with that girl and you were both 5. You didn't know what you were doing. You didn't understand. You played doctor, but how the hell did you know that a baby came from there? Is that when it all started? Is that when I first started having problems with all of this? What happened to me? I've never been pure.
I release you, Jesus. I release you into that area of my life. Please destroy the damage done by those memories, and the damage done in my ignorance. My ignorance soon turned into my idol. Please destroy it.

-----------------------------------------------------

A voice pleads...


don't judge me...






.

Blessings

"Wow. Gosh, thank you. I mean, this has never happened to me before." I stammered over the phone.
"Ha ha. Well it's gift," the receptionist chuckled back.

I actually qualified for a State Grant so that I get money now that I don't have to pay back. This is really cool. I double-checked it and everything, but it seems totally legitimate. Everyone knows the shit that I usualy say about being broke, but this is pretty incredible. Free stuff doesn't ever come my way. I'm always pulling my line by myself to make ends-meet.

But like everything in my life, there is a spiritual side to this. The Bible talks about working faithfully and dillegently and God will reward you. Well, everyone knows how hard it's been for me these last few years. I know it, you know it, and God knows it; I tell him all the time. But I also remind him of his promises and how I did work hard and dilligently. How I've been good with my money so that no matter how much I have, I give at least ten percent to churches, other people, or save it for Christian conferences. There are other things that I'm looking for Jesus to give me, and I mean that in a literal sense. Not like he will show me and make me go get it, but that he will just give me stuff freely so that I don't have to work for it. It's taken me a while to be able to brazenly tell Jesus that I want some things and I feel like he owes me them. It's not out of greed, it's more like a promised reward that I am reminding a person he has not given me yet.

I said I would try to update this thing and show how God will slowly build me back up after spending the last two years dismantling me.

This is big news.