The Build Up and The Short List

wow, I almost forgot that I posted this.

One time I came home from a rather long and stressful day and went to the kitchen to make myself something to eat. I was jerking things open, slamming things onto counters, and grumbling about things under my breath. Matt walked past the kitchen to the balcony for a cigarette. I followed him after a couple minutes and a belly full of cottage cheese. I sat down on the couch we have on our balcony.
"Long day?" asks Matt.
"No, just a long five years. Sometimes it catches up with me like that," I said.
"Yeah, I get like that too."

This post is like that. Sometimes all the stress just catches up with me and I find myself dripping all the acidic anger into a post that says things like "Fuck this," and "I'm so tired of...," and "I just wish that...," and "This is not fair," and other stuff like that.

My like becomes rather cumbersome and bulky when I start college. I would like to be done soon, but I want to be sure that I am doing something that I like and that I want to do, that’s all.

I got a chance to talk to Cheb about his response and about all the stuff I typed. That was a good thing. I’ve also been praying with Cheb in IV’s 24 hour prayer room. We were talking about how there is at least always ONE girl on our mind. More than once, there are TWO or THREE girls on our list at any one time. Cheb told me that he came up with this theory he called the “short list.” It’s pretty self-explanatory in context: the short list is every guys list of girls that he would like to “get with” in whatever semantic variation of the phrase the guys decides. In our case, it was always a crush. I’m sure we would both like to have sex, but our short list isn’t about girls we’d like to sleep with it’s about girls we’d like date or, perhaps more specifically, girls we would like to have crushes on [i]us[/i]. At least that’s how it is for me. My short list always has at least one girl on it that I wish had a bashful, immature crush on me like I would have on her. This morning in the prayer room (at about 3:20, garf!) Cheb said that he decided to abolish his short list. I, of course, have a girl on my list that I’ve been asking God to take off my mind because I hate how girls get stuck there and don’t leave until something catastrophic happens. I decided to ask God to abolish my short list as well, because that’s a good idea. What really sucks is that this girl I currently have feelings for LOOKS like the girl I've always wanted. I'm so over this whole love stuff. I know now that I should probably start dating or I will slowly disolve into a state of bitter insanity where everything with a vagina equals disaster...

So that’s that.

Uh… beer, anyone?